Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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