It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had to cum in my sink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
