Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
