If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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