I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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