she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
