how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
