WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC