i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house