I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
