I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
