so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.