I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today