Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.