He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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