Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
