i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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