My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
