R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
