dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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