i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
try to milk me bitch
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