Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
