Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
