no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
