So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
