I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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