when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
