Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
