watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
