soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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