I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
