I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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