how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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