Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
