if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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