Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
