If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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