The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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