i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
