Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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