I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
