winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
