He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
