my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
