some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
