I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
