I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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