He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
