to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
