i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
