I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
