I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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