Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
