that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
