If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
