Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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