hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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