So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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