And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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