He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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