I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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