I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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