I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
