it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The air was thick with penises
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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