And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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