Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize