Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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